It took a while, but we have finally begun the next step of meeting with our social worker, Liz. We will have a total of about 6 visits with her, then she writes a "home study," upon the completion of the home study (she has 30 working days to complete) we will be considered approved adoptive parents and can begin the process of being matched up with a group of kids.
We've met with Liz twice, both times she used our "essays" we had written as a launching pad for discussions she leads regarding how the answers we gave to certain questions might cause some concern as to how we will effectively parent these special needs children. It doesn't feel like she's attacking us, she's just looking for clarification and pointing out how the way we deal with stress, for example, might not be the best solution when we have these kids in our house. On our last visit Tom and I each took a standardized test regarding our marriage (ENRICH, if any of you are familiar with that), she said once it's been looked at we will discuss our marital relationship as well.
When we first started this process we were told it usually takes about 6-12 months from the time we begin (the classes we took) to the placement of children. There are plenty of variables, including how long it takes you to do your paperwork, get the background check, have your appointments with the social worker, etc. We (I) have been anxious to get everything done and get kids in my house and we feel like we did everything in a timely manner - but it's already been 6 months and we are just now beginning the 6 or so meetings with the social worker, so that's disappointing. On top of that, at our first meeting, Liz discussed the remaining things we have to complete and came up with idea that it will probably be August before all our work is complete and we are considered adoptive parents. I was really hoping we would have the kids into our house and somewhat settled before school starts, it looks like we may just be beginning the matching process then - that's disappointing.
On top of that, I had a bit of a meltdown today feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need/want to get done. Some of that includes things that are in preparation for children moving in and becoming parents of special needs children. After Tom and I talked about my "list" of things and what is causing some of my stress, he pointed out that we are in control of when we become parents, if we aren't ready when our process is done, we don't have to start looking for a match right away. I took a deep breath and realized he is right, it will be much better to have children move into a home with parents that are ready to take on their challenge, than into a home filled with stress and possibly not "ready." Part of that is knowing that since they can't be in our house before school starts, there isn't any rush for a completion date, I should just let things happen, do what I can and let the rest fall away.
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7 comments:
I just read your blog and I am so excited for you guys! I know this is something you have wanted for along time... I know that you and Tom will make great parents and the kids that you will be adopting are very lucky to have you guys as parents. How are the live stock going to do? It will be huge for them I am sure. I have bookmarked your blog now and will check in frequently. Again Congrats and good luck! Rodney and I will be keeping you guys in our thoughts.
You will be great and you will the kids you were meant to have. I promise to help whenever I can and if you need anything, please don't hesitate to call. You two will be the best parents ever!!
Carol and Tom
I found the blog and will be checking often to keep up with your great adventure. How great you get to pick your kids. You both will be wonderful, caring parents.
Love, Aunt Linda
It's good to hear that you two are making progress with the adoption process. While I certainly understand the reasons that they screen potential parents, it also seems a bit unfair. The two of you will be great parents, but there's only a screening process because you're adopting. However, we could take two prison inmates, give them conjugal visits and they wouldn't have to prove themselves. Like you said, take your time, do what you have to do, and you'll have those kids before you know it!
Thank you for all the positive feedback, it's nice to hear.
Jodi, the 4 cats and 2 dogs are a big concern of ours. I am hoping children in the house will give them more laps and beds to be lazy on and that the dogs will have more fun running around in the yard. The reality is that they may get mistreated along the way and we will have to keep our eyes wide open.
Tom (Green, I assume), you are right and it is frustrating to know that anyone can have sex and create a child without scrutiny while we are under a microscope. The kids we are looking to adopt have had tumultuous lives already and need to be in the best surroundings possible. Part of their questioning is to help with the placement down the road, another part is to help us face the reality of the children we will be bringing into our home.
You have taught my kids so much over the past year, I know you will be a great mom. Please let me know if I can help in any way. I have a close friend who adopted a special needs child and she is very candid about the ups and downs of it all. I look forward to reading your posts this summer.
you should go to the block party at sojourner truth academy.......just to check out schools.........i will be there for sure and i can introduce you and the weather man to the staff.......
let me know if you are coming...
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