I have always intended this blog to be something others could follow on a regular basis, but the reality has been that things moved pretty slowly and there weren't events to share. Now we have been approved as adoptive parents and are in the matching process. This moves along much more quickly. Since late October we have already sought information on 6 different groups of kids. Some had other families also interested, some turned out to be more than we could handle, and some we are still pursuing. We haven't been daunted by any of these kids going to homes other than ours - this whole thing is about the kids - if they are in a good home we are happy for them.
The matching process happens in a couple different ways:
1) we can request info on a kid(s) we've seen on the website www.mnadopt.org
2) our social worker can hear about a kid(s) and think of us, giving us preliminary info
3) other workers across the state can read about us and think we might be a good match
4) a computer program can say we "match" kids per some data they've gathered. Because we are so open to what kids(s) we will take in we were matched with 110 kids
Currently we are considering 2 separate sibling groups:
1) Tavion 6/Chase 5/Otez 18mos. The worker for these boys saw our info and wanted us to consider them. We have learned some preliminary info and have requested to learn more. The behaviors the boys have exhibited is all on par for what we have been told to expect: aggressive, ADHD, attachment disorder. Otez does have a serious heart condition that will require special attention for the rest of his (possibly short) life.
2) Christopher 10/Isaac 9/Yulianna 8. We started learning about them last month, but our worker kinda dropped the ball on this. We had a lengthy meeting with her and she had taken several notes for herself, some of which were questions we wanted posed to the kids' worker. Shortly after our meeting 2 boys came into the picture that were a possibility for us to take in and I think that got her sidetracked. Their worker has already begun interviewing and working with a family for these 3, but is willing to meet with us - though we would be the back-up in case this other family drops out.
That's where we are right now. As things happen fairly quickly now I'll have things to post on a regular basis.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Bittersweet
The good news: Liz called to say she has our home study done. She's sending it to us to check for factual errors, once we verify it, we go into the system and can start learning about sibling groups, working toward a match.
The bad news: Liz quit. That's why she got our home study done in record time.
We will now be working with Suzanne. She happens to be the only other social worker we've met, she and Liz co-taught our classes last fall. This doesn't make up for all the hours we've spent with Liz, allowing her to get to know us and hear in our words what we are feeling, our expectations, our fears, etc. We have no ill feelings toward Liz, we wish her the best in whatever she turns to next.
We had a chance to speak with Suzanne yesterday at an event held by Children's Home. It was nice to chat with her and clarify some things about ourselves.
At Children's Home yesterday there was an event for teens and sibling groups waiting to be adopted and Waiting Parents. The adults manned stations (Tom and I had pumpkin painting) and the kids rotated through, allowing us to ask benign questions and simply interact with each other. The intent was for the kids to see who some of these people are that want to adopt kids and for the Waiting Parents to see who some of the kids are, to hear what their interests are. It was enjoyable. There was a group there that I'd had personal interest in, but after meeting them I'm a bit turned off. There was another group that I hadn't paid any attention to that we are now interested it - not telling you anymore than that!
The bad news: Liz quit. That's why she got our home study done in record time.
We will now be working with Suzanne. She happens to be the only other social worker we've met, she and Liz co-taught our classes last fall. This doesn't make up for all the hours we've spent with Liz, allowing her to get to know us and hear in our words what we are feeling, our expectations, our fears, etc. We have no ill feelings toward Liz, we wish her the best in whatever she turns to next.
We had a chance to speak with Suzanne yesterday at an event held by Children's Home. It was nice to chat with her and clarify some things about ourselves.
At Children's Home yesterday there was an event for teens and sibling groups waiting to be adopted and Waiting Parents. The adults manned stations (Tom and I had pumpkin painting) and the kids rotated through, allowing us to ask benign questions and simply interact with each other. The intent was for the kids to see who some of these people are that want to adopt kids and for the Waiting Parents to see who some of the kids are, to hear what their interests are. It was enjoyable. There was a group there that I'd had personal interest in, but after meeting them I'm a bit turned off. There was another group that I hadn't paid any attention to that we are now interested it - not telling you anymore than that!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
support meeting
A little over a week ago we were able to get our family, friends and neighbors together so they would have the opportunity to speak with our social worker. The meeting was held with some folks in our house and the rest, who are spread all over the country, joined us via conference call. It all went very well! It was awesome to be surrounded by the people that are so special in our lives, who came together with the sole purpose of supporting Tom and I on our journey to parenthood.
We discovered that our neighbors are even more wonderful than we thought and will be a great support! One of them adopted a 2 year old from Korea many years ago and the other couple raised a son with anxiety/anger issues. The neighbors were also forthcoming in saying we can call them for any needed help - even an emergency at any time of day. It was good to hear.
There were some great questions and advice from our "guests." It was an emotional afternoon, full of love, support and generosity.
Now - Liz writes up the "home study," which is basically a synopsis of who Tom and I are with facts and thoughts related to how we will parent and who we would make a good match with. This goes into a database for all county workers in MN to access and assist in matching us with kids. She expects to get this done before a long vacation in Nov. We also need to get licensed for foster care, since that's what we will technically be doing until the adoption is finalized - we have that paperwork and working on that.
We discovered that our neighbors are even more wonderful than we thought and will be a great support! One of them adopted a 2 year old from Korea many years ago and the other couple raised a son with anxiety/anger issues. The neighbors were also forthcoming in saying we can call them for any needed help - even an emergency at any time of day. It was good to hear.
There were some great questions and advice from our "guests." It was an emotional afternoon, full of love, support and generosity.
Now - Liz writes up the "home study," which is basically a synopsis of who Tom and I are with facts and thoughts related to how we will parent and who we would make a good match with. This goes into a database for all county workers in MN to access and assist in matching us with kids. She expects to get this done before a long vacation in Nov. We also need to get licensed for foster care, since that's what we will technically be doing until the adoption is finalized - we have that paperwork and working on that.
Friday, September 25, 2009
Moving Forward
I feel like a lot has happened quickly, too quickly to update this (apparently). We had our last meeting with the therapist at the end of August and as soon as Labor Day hit our social worker was back in touch with us ready to work again. I should say first that we both feel we had success with our therapist. Our communication and understanding has improved and the overall mood around our house is better - I don't know any couple that can't benefit from a therapist every now and then.
We had 2 remaining meetings with Liz and now we are done with those meetings. On to the next step. In about 2 weeks we will have a "support group" meeting where we gather together the people that will make up our support system once we are parents. Since all of our families are in other states most of our support will be part of the meeting either via phone or internet. After the meeting Liz will present us at their next staff meeting and we will be approved by them (odd, but whatever) after which she has 30 working days to write up a sort of biography of us - documents that will help county workers all over the state have a better understanding of who we are when wondering if we would be a good placement for children they are working with. Since the end of those 30 days is Dec 3rd and Liz is likely to be on vacation for 2 weeks at the end of November she plans to have it done before that. That means that mid-November we are officially done with this process and can start "shopping!"
No, we are not assuming we will be parents before Christmas.
We had 2 remaining meetings with Liz and now we are done with those meetings. On to the next step. In about 2 weeks we will have a "support group" meeting where we gather together the people that will make up our support system once we are parents. Since all of our families are in other states most of our support will be part of the meeting either via phone or internet. After the meeting Liz will present us at their next staff meeting and we will be approved by them (odd, but whatever) after which she has 30 working days to write up a sort of biography of us - documents that will help county workers all over the state have a better understanding of who we are when wondering if we would be a good placement for children they are working with. Since the end of those 30 days is Dec 3rd and Liz is likely to be on vacation for 2 weeks at the end of November she plans to have it done before that. That means that mid-November we are officially done with this process and can start "shopping!"
No, we are not assuming we will be parents before Christmas.
Thursday, May 28, 2009
special needs
I also need to clarify... I stated before that the children we will be adopting are "special needs." All children that have been in foster care are labeled "special needs." It's not because of any impairments, it's because the life they've led has caused unique traits. For a child to be available for adoption their parent's rights have been terminated due to abuse, abandonment and/or neglect. Any and all of these things effect the brain development, behaviors, physical development, attitudes, etc. of children. When their needs aren't met their brains develop and process differently. Every adult they have loved and trusted has failed them, why should Tom and I be any different - this causes attachment disorders, which can manifest in many different forms.
Therefore, they are all labeled special needs. This is also why we have to do all of the classes and meetings and such. It's to prepare us as best they can for the upheaval these children will bring into our home.
Therefore, they are all labeled special needs. This is also why we have to do all of the classes and meetings and such. It's to prepare us as best they can for the upheaval these children will bring into our home.
a speed bump
When we last met with Liz she went over the results of the marriage evaluation and felt it would be a good idea if we saw a therapist together. It wasn't surprising to either of us, we know what is and isn't strong in our marriage, we certainly know there are areas we could do better in. Actually, we saw a therapist 2 years ago but didn't care for her and didn't walk away with any tools to help us outside of her office. There are a couple of therapists within the same organization we are adopting through and since only 1 is a preferred provider, we chose her. So we have met with Barb twice now and so far it feels like we are wasting time. Our first meeting was an introduction to her, like a solicitation of herself, knowing we can go to any number of therapists in this town. The 2nd meeting was her getting some background info from us - I felt like I could've done that by filling out a form - so that felt frustrating. Liz asked that we meet with Barb for a month before returning to meetings with her.
I'm trying to keep it all in perspective: Tom and I need to be as prepared and strong for these kids as we can be, this is one way to be sure we are capable of handling what is thrown at us down the road. It just feels like delay after delay. The bright side is the extra time allows me to work on my new business venture (that most of you probably don't know about) and have that established before the kids come.
So...I'm starting my own business as a professional organizer. In fact, I just registered my company name today: Natural Organizing. It will allow me to set my own schedule and be the mom I want to be.
I'm trying to keep it all in perspective: Tom and I need to be as prepared and strong for these kids as we can be, this is one way to be sure we are capable of handling what is thrown at us down the road. It just feels like delay after delay. The bright side is the extra time allows me to work on my new business venture (that most of you probably don't know about) and have that established before the kids come.
So...I'm starting my own business as a professional organizer. In fact, I just registered my company name today: Natural Organizing. It will allow me to set my own schedule and be the mom I want to be.
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Meetings with Liz
It took a while, but we have finally begun the next step of meeting with our social worker, Liz. We will have a total of about 6 visits with her, then she writes a "home study," upon the completion of the home study (she has 30 working days to complete) we will be considered approved adoptive parents and can begin the process of being matched up with a group of kids.
We've met with Liz twice, both times she used our "essays" we had written as a launching pad for discussions she leads regarding how the answers we gave to certain questions might cause some concern as to how we will effectively parent these special needs children. It doesn't feel like she's attacking us, she's just looking for clarification and pointing out how the way we deal with stress, for example, might not be the best solution when we have these kids in our house. On our last visit Tom and I each took a standardized test regarding our marriage (ENRICH, if any of you are familiar with that), she said once it's been looked at we will discuss our marital relationship as well.
When we first started this process we were told it usually takes about 6-12 months from the time we begin (the classes we took) to the placement of children. There are plenty of variables, including how long it takes you to do your paperwork, get the background check, have your appointments with the social worker, etc. We (I) have been anxious to get everything done and get kids in my house and we feel like we did everything in a timely manner - but it's already been 6 months and we are just now beginning the 6 or so meetings with the social worker, so that's disappointing. On top of that, at our first meeting, Liz discussed the remaining things we have to complete and came up with idea that it will probably be August before all our work is complete and we are considered adoptive parents. I was really hoping we would have the kids into our house and somewhat settled before school starts, it looks like we may just be beginning the matching process then - that's disappointing.
On top of that, I had a bit of a meltdown today feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need/want to get done. Some of that includes things that are in preparation for children moving in and becoming parents of special needs children. After Tom and I talked about my "list" of things and what is causing some of my stress, he pointed out that we are in control of when we become parents, if we aren't ready when our process is done, we don't have to start looking for a match right away. I took a deep breath and realized he is right, it will be much better to have children move into a home with parents that are ready to take on their challenge, than into a home filled with stress and possibly not "ready." Part of that is knowing that since they can't be in our house before school starts, there isn't any rush for a completion date, I should just let things happen, do what I can and let the rest fall away.
We've met with Liz twice, both times she used our "essays" we had written as a launching pad for discussions she leads regarding how the answers we gave to certain questions might cause some concern as to how we will effectively parent these special needs children. It doesn't feel like she's attacking us, she's just looking for clarification and pointing out how the way we deal with stress, for example, might not be the best solution when we have these kids in our house. On our last visit Tom and I each took a standardized test regarding our marriage (ENRICH, if any of you are familiar with that), she said once it's been looked at we will discuss our marital relationship as well.
When we first started this process we were told it usually takes about 6-12 months from the time we begin (the classes we took) to the placement of children. There are plenty of variables, including how long it takes you to do your paperwork, get the background check, have your appointments with the social worker, etc. We (I) have been anxious to get everything done and get kids in my house and we feel like we did everything in a timely manner - but it's already been 6 months and we are just now beginning the 6 or so meetings with the social worker, so that's disappointing. On top of that, at our first meeting, Liz discussed the remaining things we have to complete and came up with idea that it will probably be August before all our work is complete and we are considered adoptive parents. I was really hoping we would have the kids into our house and somewhat settled before school starts, it looks like we may just be beginning the matching process then - that's disappointing.
On top of that, I had a bit of a meltdown today feeling overwhelmed by all the things I need/want to get done. Some of that includes things that are in preparation for children moving in and becoming parents of special needs children. After Tom and I talked about my "list" of things and what is causing some of my stress, he pointed out that we are in control of when we become parents, if we aren't ready when our process is done, we don't have to start looking for a match right away. I took a deep breath and realized he is right, it will be much better to have children move into a home with parents that are ready to take on their challenge, than into a home filled with stress and possibly not "ready." Part of that is knowing that since they can't be in our house before school starts, there isn't any rush for a completion date, I should just let things happen, do what I can and let the rest fall away.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
